If the baps fit

21 Mar

6 weeks in and I can already feel my body changing. Well, by body I mean breasts. And boy are they a-changing. Gone are my perfectly fine, less than a handful, 32B’s and in their place are massive, painful, pendulous 32D’s which no longer fit into my bras. Actually that’s a lie. I have one bra that fits. A fuchsia pink wonder bra that my first ever boyfriend bought me back in the late 90’s, no doubt in the hope that I would grow into it. The fact it’s as new now as it was then indicates 1) why I still have it and 2) he would have been very disappointed.

To put it simply, I am not a fan of big boobs, never have been and never will be. If I was a bloke I would definitely not be a boob man. I would have no desire to get my head in the middle of a big old cleavage and do whatever it is blokes do when they find themselves in that situation.  Drown maybe?

However, being 32D isn’t the problem.  I know it isn’t mahossive and I’m actually enjoying how much firmer they feel. Hubby seems to like it too. I never had him down as a breast man either, but the look in his eye when they’re unleashed from the fuchsia pink tent is that of total and utter surprise and awe and that he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing. Pretty much identical to the look he has when Sunderland win a match.  The problem is that according to the internet and the scary pregnancy forums, THEY DON’T STOP GROWING.

Sitting in bed last night I relayed my fears to hubby. “what do you mean they don’t stop growing”? “They don’t stop growing” I say. “And your areola gets really dark and bigger and bumpy and your chest gets really veiny and sometimes milk leaks from your nipples”.  “I’m sure they won’t get much bigger and maybe that doesn’t happen to everyone” he says nervously. We both go quiet for a moment, both no doubt having visions of being attacked by a giant, pink, mean-looking bra. And then we say it in unison, the line that gets us both through every unknown, leaky nippled, blood test situation. “It’ll be worth it though”. And it will. Of course it will. Even if one breast is double the size of my baby’s head and he/she is blinded by my errant milk squirting nipple.

Just hanging out the washing...

Just hanging out the washing...


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