Are you Wearing a Wire?

29 May

Ok, so, I’m doing it, I’m finally going ‘new bra shopping’. I’ve been trying to hold it off as long as possible, telling myself that perhaps it’s just what happens in the very beginning and that give it a few weeks and my old breasts, my little 32B’s will return in a blaze of glory. Unfortunately this hasn’t happened so far. They are, without me being able to do anything about it, getting bigger by the day.

So it’s time. The fuchsia pink Wonderbra can hold them no more. My gorgeous Elle McPherson underwear which I now only take out to stroke and stare wistfully at remains tucked away at the back of the drawer terrified to come out in case I try and force my four boobs into it.

Off I trot to Westfield for a shopping trip leaving hubby at home. This is for the best. The only thing worse than a shopping centre on a Saturday is going to said shopping centre with husband grumpily trailing in my wake, insisting that “he’s FINE”. He’s only standing by the door of Topshop looking at me tapping his watch because “he’s FINE” with me looking around for longer than 30 seconds. This also goes for friends too. Shopping is not a team sport. Everyone has their own way which they’ve honed over many years and no one should have to compromise on their own routine. I like doing it alone. You get the picture.    

And so I shop. I go everywhere. I’m having the best time.  A spot of lunch, a new bag, a pair of shoes. Life is good. I do all the lovely things until it’s time to do the necessary thing – M&S lingerie department. I go up and ask if I can be measured, but am told by a delightful lady that “nah love you should have booked, we get proper busy on a Saturday. Not sure if we’ve got any spaces”. “Ok then, can you have a look and tell me if you have?” Simple enough surely? So an hour later and I’m back at Bra Fittings R Us with, thankfully, a very sweet sales assistant who blushes as a take my top off. Bless her. So I’m measured. I’m a 34 D.

“Sorry, what, I think I misheard you. Did you say 34 D? You mean one back size and a 2 cup sizes up from my normal size?” “Yes that’s right” she says “it’s what happens when you’re pregnant”. Don’t I bloody know it.

What I didn’t know however, but do now thanks to blushing bra lady is that the only thing I can now wear is a bra of the non-wired variety.  “To ease the pressure”. A type of bra I haven’t worn since I bought my first ever one from Tammy Girl when I was 12. “Shall I get you some to try on”? She says cheerfully clearly trying to make me feel better. What I want to say is ,“so let me get this straight bra lady, I’ll be trying on a non-small, non supportive, non sexy, non bra monstrosity? But instead I simply mutter “ok then”.

We try a few, I fight for the wire, she ignores me and eventually I leave, the proud owner of one white and one black cotton t-shirt bra.  Imagine a Victoria Secret model strutting down the catwalk. I am the exact opposite of that.

When I get home I miserably show hubby my new purchases, clearly vying for some pregnant woman sympathy. “They look like something my Gran used to have hanging over her washing line” he says. He then proceeds to put it on his head and pretends it’s a hat whilst dancing like an idiot. I try to be annoyed, but it’s actually rather amusing. It’s also hard to get cross when I’m wearing quite possibly the most comfy bra I’ve ever owned. Shhh…just don’t tell anyone I said so. 


One Response to “Are you Wearing a Wire?”

  1. macster77 May 29, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    Ok, let’s try that again…. oh the joys of non wired bras, they are really comfy but very unsexy! You’ve got the the maternity ones to look forward to, have a little flap that comes down and end up full of milk stains, lovely!!! I still have mine stashed somewhere. When I went for the fitting the lady said I was a 34F, an F! I nearly kissed her as loved my big bazookas! Ended up a D or an E and now back down to my little B’s so it all works out in the end!! xx

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