On the 23rd October 2013 my precious baby boy turned one. You can probably tell from my last post how reflective and emotional I have been about it. On his birthday I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I thought about him as a newborn in the first few hours. I thought about the first few weeks and the huge adjustment hubby and I went through. I thought about each month after that and how much he changed. I thought about every ‘first’ I have recorded and then those that I probably missed. I thought about the future. I thought about the gifts we had bought him for his birthday. Well I have one more – this letter. I hope one day he will read it.
To my precious boy on your first birthday,
I cannot believe you are one already, baby boy. Time certainly does fly when you’re having fun. And what fun I have had with you over this past year. The most fun I have ever had. You make me laugh like no one else can. When I laugh with you, proper big belly-laughs, I am positive you look at me with a knowing smile. You are a very funny young man, but I think you know this already.
A year ago today you arrived into my life full of character. The word I used to describe you was spirited and you certainly are that. You were kicking and screaming and clearly very unamused. But the minute you were placed in my arms you were calm – the connection between us immediate. Whenever you are upset this is the only way to calm you – in my arms. I love being able to make it ok for you. I hope I always can.
You most certainly had a personality from the moment you were born and I see it develop every single day as you change from a baby to a toddler. It scares me how quickly you are growing, but the future and what we have to look forward to is so exciting. When you make babbling sounds, I hear your voice. When you get excited and push a ball around I see you looking at daddy as you score your first goal. When you get frustrated I see you being misunderstood and when you cry and need a cuddle, I see forever.
Your amazing ability to eat anything put in front of you has become your trademark. I have so many photos and videos of you eating – I promise to keep taking them. You will probably wonder why your mad mummy is constantly taking pictures of you with your mouth full of food. When you are a dad yourself, you will understand. Daddy and I are convinced you are going to be a chef. Not only do you love food, but you are obsessed with touching the Michelle Roux Jr cook book in the kitchen. You clearly have good taste already.
Nothing fazes you, my gorgeous boy. You are incredibly sociable and are more than happy to be passed from person to person charming them with your big grin and your happy chatter. You have lots of friends – Evie, Freya, Grace, Joshua, Leela, Myah & Stella – who you love playing and with whom you’re very good at sharing your toys. Your favourite programme is In the Night Garden and your favourite character is Iggle Piggle. One of my favourite memories of you is you squealing with delight and shaking the first time you saw him on the TV.
Baby boy I feel so lucky to be your mummy. When I look into your big, beautiful blue eyes, it makes every day feel like a summer’s day. If I ever feel blue I try to see the world through your eyes. I think about how it is for you to see the sun, the rain, the park, new people, flowers and animals. To see everything so fresh must be wonderful.
I want to give you some advice. It is the same advice that I will give you every year until I die. Here goes – always dance, always laugh and always jump in puddles. Look at the sun, run naked in the rain, eat chocolate and drink beer. Pull your mattress off of your bed with your brothers, sisters and cousins and bump down the stairs on it really fast. Make dens. Go to the theatre and travel as far and wide as you can. Never judge too harshly. Be confident in your abilities and don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t good enough – because you are baby, you are more than good enough. Love your friends, love your family and love yourself. Most importantly be kind. Always be kind to those around you. It’s the advice nanny gave me and daddy on our wedding day and now I’m passing it to you. It’s a good one to remember.
My sweet boy, you have changed my life. I look at you every day in total amazement that daddy and I made you. That you are him and that you are me, but more than anything – you are you. And you certainly are that. I will always be your mummy. When you are ten, when you are a teenager, a twenty-something and when you are a man, I will always be your mum. But you need to know that I am not perfect. I will make mistakes, I will misjudge, I will frustrate you and you may think I have let you down. But I promise you this, with my hand on my heart, I will always keep you safe and never let any harm come to you. I would die a thousand times over for you baby boy.
You are my first born child and because of that you have taught me something that no other adult, child or book ever could. You have taught me how to be a mother and for that I am ever grateful to you.
Thank you for making every day of my life so wonderful. From when I wake in the morning to your happy chatter, to seeing you standing in your cot excitedly bouncing up and down waiting for me to pick you up, to breakfast, to playtime, to nap time, to bath time, to bed time. You constantly amaze me.
Thank you for being the most funny, kind, passionate, spirited little boy that I know.
Thank you for being you.
Happy first birthday, my beautiful boy. I hope your day is full of sunshine and sparkle.
I love you so much.